ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Send help, water and tortillas.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
