Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
