when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
