I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
