here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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