our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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