Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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