you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize