i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
