Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
