conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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