Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
