At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
