so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
