I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
