We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
