Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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