Sponge bath it is.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
