The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
