Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
