Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize