upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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