dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
