He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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