he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
