I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
