girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
