Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
