youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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