ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
