My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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