There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize