You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
