You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
