her vagine was all disorganized.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
we're so committed to being not committed
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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