the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
