Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
