Moan for me like Helen Keller
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
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