I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
