I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
