I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
