girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
