he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
