so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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