Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
