So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
