Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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