Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
this boner is exhausting
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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