where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
