I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
