Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
