its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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