honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
