bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
