Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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