I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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