if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
