You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
