I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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