JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
