I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize