i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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