So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
