I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Houston, we have a blender
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
