I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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