You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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