please come you make the beer taste better
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize