I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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