I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The air was thick with penises
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
