Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
