can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
