what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
