I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
