worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
