Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
