hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
zippers are such a cool invention
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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