Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
