if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
