I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
