I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize