She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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