I hate your face
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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