I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
