I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
