I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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