he thought i was a dude.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The best revenge is premature balding
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How does it feel to date your dad?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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