So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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