I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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