He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize