here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
