Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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