I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Holy sore nipples Batman
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
