you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
