He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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