I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
