omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
