I'm going to rape someone's good day.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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