Do you still have your period?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
