Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
