so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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