Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
