I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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