Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
