And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
