is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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