There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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