so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
