my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
